As weird as that saying is, everyone knows what it means to “fall off the wagon”. Which is exactly what my AH did last night. I knew without a doubt it was going to happen. I wasn’t sure how long it was going to take but it always eventually happens. Again and again….and again.
I figured something might be off yesterday afternoon. He missed his counseling session (clearly at the top of his priorities) and then I didn’t hear from him at all. Which was nice! But weird. Then this morning I wake up to a barrage of texts saying what a horrible human being I am and how he’s definitely not drinking….which means he probably is. Unfortunately, I couldn’t be sure.
I check the bank account for a completely unrelated reason just to see his multiple liquor store debits. Really?!? You can’t even go through the effort to hide that? Wow. OK. Now I know for sure at least. Thanks I guess.
The amazing news is that I am finally able to be done. These past three weeks I haven’t been able to move forward or backward, I was literally just waiting for the other shoe to drop and not knowing how long the inevitable was going to take was torture.
Did I want him to crash and burn? Of course not. A huge part of me wanted him to become a better person, for himself and the girls even if I wouldn’t be there to reap the benefits. Most of me knew without a doubt that he’s nowhere near that point. He was trying to change for all the wrong reasons.
Today I breathe a sigh of relief. Slowly I will pick up the pieces, rebuild, and come back stronger than ever.