The Proverbial Wagon

As weird as that saying is, everyone knows what it means to “fall off the wagon”. Which is exactly what my AH did last night. I knew without a doubt it was going to happen. I wasn’t sure how long it was going to take but it always eventually happens. Again and again….and again.

I figured something might be off yesterday afternoon. He missed his counseling session (clearly at the top of his priorities) and then I didn’t hear from him at all. Which was nice! But weird. Then this morning I wake up to a barrage of texts saying what a horrible human being I am and how he’s definitely not drinking….which means he probably is. Unfortunately, I couldn’t be sure.
I check the bank account for a completely unrelated reason just to see his multiple liquor store debits. Really?!? You can’t even go through the effort to hide that? Wow. OK. Now I know for sure at least. Thanks I guess.

The amazing news is that I am finally able to be done. These past three weeks I haven’t been able to move forward or backward, I was literally just waiting for the other shoe to drop and not knowing how long the inevitable was going to take was torture.

Did I want him to crash and burn? Of course not. A huge part of me wanted him to become a better person, for himself and the girls even if I wouldn’t be there to reap the benefits. Most of me knew without a doubt that he’s nowhere near that point. He was trying to change for all the wrong reasons.

Today I breathe a sigh of relief. Slowly I will pick up the pieces, rebuild, and come back stronger than ever.

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One thought on “The Proverbial Wagon

  1. Again another great post, thank you, i need to read this stuff, it helps me a great deal. My transition from texas to ft. Collins, co will be happening by the end of June, i am scared but excited and looking forward to a new, non toxic, non hateful life for me and my daughters. ♡

    Like

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